It’s never too soon to start the process! Tiffany has received tentative medical clearance from Dr. Hatch at Fertility Center of SoCal. Once she completes her personal nursing journey, she will be well on her way to building a new family!

Today, we’re taking a little peek at an average day for our lovely Case Manager, Shannon. If you haven’t encountered Shannon yet, don’t worry you soon will!! A must for Shannon is her morning coffee. Then she prepares a healthy breakfast for herself and the family before getting them out the door. It’s now about 8 am and it is time to check on her GC’s and confirm her schedule for the day. Most days she is on the road by 8:15 am attending a prenatal ultrasound or medical clearance somewhere between Orange County and San Diego. Before and after each appointment, she is communicating with BFI providing an update and sharing the upcoming steps for this case. During the appointment, she gets to visit with the GC and speak with the medical staff. On her drive to and from the appointments, she makes a point to call one or two of her GCs to catch up. Communication is so important to her…and us! At the end of the day, you will find her with her family; usually supporting them in their extracurricular activities, whipping up a delicious dinner, and spending quality time together by the pool! We are so grateful to be such a big part of her days. She is a calming force and a fountain of knowledge; thank you, Shannon for all you do!

#adayinthelifeofShannon #shesourbiggestsupporter #buildingfamiliesinc #casemanager

Melissa had her Fetal Echo Cardiogram; a test similar to an ultrasound that uses sound waves that “echo” off the structures of the fetus’s heart. It’s amazing how far technology has come!

#fetalecho #proudsurrogate #buildingfamiliesinc

Dr. Rad loves it when the girls bring in photos to share during group! Sometimes it turns into storytime when the Surrogate Mom creates a beautiful album.
#storytime #group #buildingfamiliesinc

Now it’s time to share the moment we were all waiting for….the birth of my couple’s baby!!!

As April 2018 rolled around, we were in the final countdown! My couple arrived on the 24th, in my 38th week of pregnancy. The following night we met them and Randi for dinner at our local Olive Garden. If you recall from earlier in my story, I would take belly pictures so they could “see” their baby grow. They were clearly overjoyed to see the baby bump in person!! My IM mentioned that her sister was coming to town for a Justin Timberlake concert and looked forward to introducing her to us and of course, to meet her new niece or nephew.

We talked and talked and somehow the topic of Vegas came up. They mentioned that they had never visited Las Vegas. Knowing my past delivery experiences and having had an OB appointment just a few days prior, I encouraged them to have this last childfree hurrah. They would be only 3 hours away and I truly felt comfortable with them going. Building Families was nervous but supportive. LOL!! I am so glad they trusted my instincts enough to do this.
April 30th was chosen by my doctor to induce the delivery. I am no stranger to induction, having been induced with both of my own children at 41 weeks. Quite frankly, I like being able to prepare and knowing when the baby is coming. There is enough excitement that day, rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night doesn’t have to be one of them! So, that morning, my husband and I dropped our kids off with my parents and headed to the hospital.

Once I was checked in and changed, the nurse started monitoring me. I was having mild contractions and already dilated to 2cm. I opted to have an epidural as soon as possible. I knew how short I could become with everyone when I’m in pain, haha! Then came time to start the Pitocin. I was so glad that I got my epidural as I wanted to exude calmness and confidence to my couple, not make them feel bad that I was in pain. When they came in, I was not feeling a thing! We chatted for a bit and took guesses regarding gender.

I have to give credit where credit is due and tell you all that my husband, Mark, was amazing during labor and delivery. He chatted with my couple and saw to their and my needs and he even was quite entertaining. I had so much support too. Not only was Shannon there for a majority of the day, but Lauryn even came up from Orange County to see me. Randi, who you all probably know as the program manager at BFI, was there for the delivery. I am not sure if I touched on my relationship with Randi in my previous parts, but she has been one of my best friends for over ten years and having her by my side is a memory I will cherish forever.

Ok, so back to the delivery! Finally, around 7 pm, it was time to push! My couple, Randi, and my husband all huddled around me as the area was prepped. Just before it was time to push, the most amazing thing happened. My IM’s sister arrived at the hospital. I insisted on waiting so she could experience the baby’s arrival with her sister. Thankfully, the hospital staff was super accommodating to my entourage and allowed her in. At this point, I don’t recall where everyone was standing, only that they were all there. I had my husband holding one leg and my IM holding the other. I remember them both encouraging me the entire time. One final push, a tiny cry pierced the air and Dr. V said, “It’s a Girl, It’s a Girl!” I felt the tears running down my face and I remember thinking, they are parents now, not intended parents, but truly parents. Dad cut the cord and Mom opened her shirt so her new baby could snuggle with her. I look over and see Dad on his knees in front of them and the Aunt at her sister’s shoulder, all staring at this miracle in her Mother’s arms. There are literally no words that could describe how that moment felt to me.

Due to a small complication, I was unable to leave my bed and visit with anyone that night. The next morning my couple arrived at the hospital and they wheeled their baby girl into my room. They handed her to me and I couldn’t resist counting all her fingers and toes and just reveling in the moment. She was finally here and she was absolutely perfect. I was relieved and grateful. The four of us (and baby) spent the entire day together. We talked about everything and nothing at all. It is definitely up there on my list of ‘best days’.

When it was time for discharge my couple was escorted into the NICU area to go over the baby’s discharge information while I completed my portion in the room. I was done before them and the nurse wheeled me over to say my goodbyes. As I got up from the obligatory wheelchair and entered the room I was floored. Remember when I shared with you that during one of our Skype calls, they showed me the outfit that they wanted their child to wear home from the hospital? The same outfit that the new mom and her sister wore when they were born? Well, that is what she was wearing!

It was at that moment that I realized the gravity of my journey. I quickly said my goodbyes and made my way to our car. As soon as we started to drive my husband looked over at me in shock. I was bawling! I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Seeing her in the outfit that otherwise may never have been worn again and realizing that I had had such a pivotal role in it blew my mind. Honestly, it still does!

When I look back on delivery day and the hospital stay one emotion shines brighter than the rest: gratitude! I am so thankful for the support of my agency, Building Families, (my extended family really), my husband, and my couple. Although this probably reads like an ending, there’s still more to come in my story! Stay tuned!

We have an outline of the matching process on our website and you can click here to read it. But Christine has asked me to not just elaborate, but to explain how I do it. She mentioned her own experience as a Surrogate Mom and reminded me of how perfectly she was matched. And she quoted many others that have said the same thing. I wanted to joke with her and say that I just throw darts, but I am so bad at that game if it were even a little bit true, no one would get matched! Drawing names out of bag??? Or better yet, use my granddaughter’s Magic 8 ball. No, of course, these aren’t true but they are easier to explain than the feelings I get about people.

So, let’s discuss the easy part first. The Science and the Math of the equation. A must for any match is that the Couple and their prospective Surrogate Mom have similar belief systems in regards to challenging and sometimes painful decisions about the pregnancy. These things are never negotiable. I do read their ideas about relationships and contact during and after the pregnancy, but honestly, I do not put too much weight on this part. Imagine making a profound decision regarding a relationship that has not yet started with people you have not yet met! But, this is what we do. We do remind everyone that nothing is in stone, we only want to get an idea of where their thoughts and expectations are at that particular point in time. The profile is a tool, but not the only one.

More science, Dr. Rad. Her job is critical, of course! Her first purpose is to make sure each person is crazy enough to go through this strenuous journey, but not too crazy. 😉 Seriously, her job is to ensure surrogacy is right for each person. She gives us an insight into each person that we could never gain without spending a great deal of time. And since we don’t have time to date, we are grateful for her work. She gives us a comprehensive report of their personalities which not only helps us in the matching, but guides us on how to best support them through the journey.

So, we take the science and math parts of the equation and recognize that these are static. After that, honestly, it is more of a gut feeling. I just know who will be good together and good for each other. It is amazing the things I learn after the match is formed about how much they have in common. Things that I couldn’t know yet. Some things are more obvious such as realizing that putting an introvert and an extrovert together is not a good idea unless you think they could complement each other, ground each other in the middle. Again, I don’t know how to put into words how I determine that. So, sorry Christine! This may not be the answer you were hoping for but this is all I have. I don’t have a secret recipe that I am refusing to share……..I swear! LOL

– Carol

     Building Families’ Surrogates are really tremendous people.  After evaluation of each surrogate, I am always struck by their definitive decision & willingness to help others become a family.  These Surrogates have a caretaking and giving spirit that is unique to their personality. Today I’d like to discuss this natural ability to caretake or caregive and offer some insights, views & suggestions for self-care or self-nurturance.  

     First, let’s define the people who are caretakers or caregivers.  They give automatically without often considering their needs and instead they focus on supplying other’s needs.  Emotional (psychological), spiritual or physical needs are not even on the radar at times for themselves.  Psychological or emotional needs often include but are not limited to these: Support from others, asking for help, self-soothing activities and alone time to define one’s needs or feelings at that time.  

     The endeavor to comprehend a Surrogate’s emotional needs is what I do in the course of their journey.  Building Families keeps me fully informed with each Surrogate’s progress on a weekly basis or more often if indicated.  Typically, our Surrogates have little or minimal issues when it comes to physical self-care of themselves and their pregnancy for their couple and that is what makes these women so amazing! 

     Another way I ensure each Surrogate Mother’s psychological well-being is by seeing them in a monthly group therapy.   In our groups, we tend to focus on self-care and self-soothing such as relaxation, visual imagery and focused breathing for a transfer or delivery.  If a Surrogate requests a meeting with the psychologist, it is provided. Indeed, if I think a brief professional interaction is essential, then I do it.  

     I have seen almost 400 Surrogates during their journey over the past 25 years of my tenure with Building Families.  The number of times I have had to meet with a Surrogate Mother due to concerns for their self-care and self-nurturance is negligible.  I believe it’s because the program provides exceptional care & management. The Surrogates know they do not have to manage on their own, and they realize that asking for help is the only way to achieve a resolution.  Fortunately, our Surrogate Moms do not buy into the notion that if you seek professional assistance from the psychologist you are perceived as emotionally weak, or that you might be labeled or judged.

     In summary, both the involvement of the psychologist and the management that Building Families provides has been synergistic and  successful in preventing events & issues which could have had a catastrophic impact on all concerned. Emotions come in different sizes and are dynamic, without the proper sounding board or professional guidance they can ruin a perfectly great relationship.  These relationships are complex and require a collaboration that is unique in the case of surrogacy.   

     Today I’d like to offer you some of my suggestions to incorporate for self-care in your daily life and throughout your Surrogacy journey.  The first one is to check in with your emotions daily.  Ask yourself what am I feeling during the day, is it positive or negative?  Being able to define your emotions often stems from our thought process. Treat yourself to a laugh a day! Laughter is good medicine for sure!  Visualize or visit a positive place, could be your backyard, the mountains, the beach or your very own sofa!  Please be selfish once a day with something you do just for you, we call this self-nurturing!  Finally, ask for help, big, small or confusing issues.  We all need others and help sometimes.

Enjoy the end of summer and the beginning of Fall 2019!    

As Always, Dr. Rad

Can sleep deprivation from your first baby keep you from having another? Check out Dr. Frederick’s take in this article by @FatherlyHQ!

#themoreyouknow #DrFrederick #buildingfamiliesinc #fatherly

Danielle had her FET yesterday at Coastal Fertility in Mount Pleasant, SC! Help us send her alllll the positive vibes during her two week wait. #positivevibesonly #ivfgotthis #buildingfamiliesinc

While the pregnancy portion of her journey has ended, GC Mandy has continued providing nourishment for baby boy via exclusive pumping. This is her second shipment at 3 weeks postpartum!

#waytogoMandy #surrogacyrocks #exclusivepumping #buildingfamiliesinc